Valuable Lessons
What a day today has been. I was worried I would not have anything to write about for this challenge, but today has proven me wrong. She has shown up with several lessons and shoved them all at me. Watching as I flounder and try to pick them up before they hit the floor. Today she pushed and she pushed a little harder than I thought she would.
——
A push to realisation. That answered prayer is a thing and boy is it powerful. As a woman of faith on this wonderful journey called life, there are moments when you wonder if your prayers are being heard by the glorious creator of this universe. But then comes a day like today when you realise that, the beauty and splendor of this God is that he hears it and he hears it all. But more importantly, he cares. Oh man does he care. He cares about the things you think are too small or too silly. He cares about the minute of your life. From the “Lord, I hope today is a good day” kind of prayers to the “Father, help me get out of bed and do right by the people I love” kind. Some days, the answer does not come the way you think it does. Some days the answer is a No when you are hoping for a Yes. But, those answers come all the same. Today’s response came as I was sitting in bed, face mask and pyjamas on trying to find the words to write this essay. The response was “I hear you, I got this and everything will be okay” and those words just made me sigh the biggest sigh of relief. But also laugh because He just knows me so well. It was all I needed to hear in the moment and it came when I could hear him the clearest.
——
Today pushed the need to pay attention in my face. Like a neon sign glaring in its finality. She said pay attention to your habits, the things you fall back on. Like pouring yourself wine after a long day or how do you cope when things do not go your way? Now, I am not saying to not pour yourself a glass of wine, but for how often I was telling myself I needed a drink this week, It was something I know I need to watch nowadays. Especially as someone with the wonderful trait of having an addictive personality. Today just sent up a little warning flare in my head and the sign was logged in the book. The reminder to exercise some self-control pushed to the forefront.
She pushed me to remember that friends and loved ones do not deserve to have me bring my bad mood to them. I remember a scene from Yellowstone from the one and only titan that is Beth Dutton. She says to a lady in a bar who asks her why she isn’t home with her man and this is her answer. She says “Because I am in a bad mood and I don’t like to take those home” and that moment is stuck in my brain forever. Unless they are the cause of your bad mood, which they can be sometimes, friends and family do not need to experience a bad mood they never caused. So I had to push myself today in the small amount of time I had before a dear friend’s birthday party, to experience all of my emotions, grumpy, cranky, annoyed, disappointed, regretful, pissed. Experience all of that and then leave them at the door before I walked into this party. Because she deserved more from me than my bad mood. And in the moments walking from bus stop to restaurant, that was a push. A push to get past all of that.
——
Then came the most valuable lesson of the day. This is how a sweet friend put it. She said, “You just need to put your needs first over obligation”. It sounds a little selfish to someone like me, a recovering people pleaser. But it was something I needed to hear. The reminder that sometimes you do not owe anyone anything, but you owe yourself something. That you need to do right by yourself and not worry about what others will think. I am someone who enjoys going above and beyond for the people I care about. If I can help, I would. It is no wonder that I ended up working in the service and hospitality industry. But then comes the day when I do not know how to say no out of a misguided sense of loyalty, only to be pulled back down to earth when shown that this loyalty is not reciprocated. Then I missed out on an opportunity that I was eager for and hoping would be my next step. So today was a reminder for me. A costly one but one nonetheless. I said to that same friend, that I do not like learning things twice, so I won’t make the same mistake again. People pleasing or not.
xoxo
p.s. I didn’t quite manage to hit 1000 words, but at least I came close… ish.
