A Journal digestif #2
24 April 2024 - I am learning I write better in the fall and winter.
When the sun slows quicker and the shadows chase shapes across my curtains. When time gets slow, the cups of tea you consume become infinite. Just endless amounts of chrysanthemum. When the days shorten, I see better somehow. I am more attuned and the house is quiet. When summer comes around and the days are longer, I yearn for more sunlight on my skin. More rosé and oysters with friends. More laughter and sweaty nights. Linen pants rolled up to the thighs as you walk home in the dark. But then comes autumn where morning and night are different. Where autumn feels like an invitation to slowness. To that ever-used word, intention. The days are shorter and the nights are colder so one must start to pay attention. To time, to moments. And when you pay that much attention to life, it blesses you with the words to write.
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23 April 2024 - I think wildly about being transported to places through art.
When movies and books make you expand your mind and ask you to stretch your imagination. When they demand you do better than what you think you could do and see beyond. See far reaches of places. Places you never thought you could go to. Or even places in this world you wish you could be. And yet, every morning I wake up and my mind is already somewhere else. Some place different. Already wandering down cobbled stone streets in Bordeaux, sitting in a villa eating oranges in Umbria. Scaling mountains in Colorado and drinking sake in Japan. Oh, how I wish to travel for a living.
22 April 2024 - There is just something about getting your nails done on a Monday morning.
It makes me feel like I can conquer the world. It is one of the many things my mother has passed down to me. That having your nails done meant that everything was going to be okay and you were presentable and elegant no matter your outfit. As someone who grew up a chronic nail-biter, that didn’t seem to be in the cards for me. But now that I have a little more years under my belt, it’s a statement I live by. Something of a non-negotiable. It has also become a way for friends to know if I am doing okay. Good nails, good heart. No questions needed.
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14 April 2024 - I find closure overrated.
I want to be able to look back at memories and see them for the good that they brought me. It is not about escaping pain, but it is about refusing to let it be all that I see. I’ve had my fair share of heartbreak. These moments that left me struggling to breathe as I came to terms with what just happened. But I refuse to let it be the brush with which I paint my life. I want to look back at moments and see how brave I was to let someone in so close when I was so young. How strong I was that I pulled through in the end. I want to see the giddiness of life. The laughter and hushed whispers as you spoke about it to girlfriends. I was listening to a song the other day and it made me think about this. I don’t want them to erase me from memory. To forget. I want them to look back at memories of me and instead of regret or guilt, I want them to see it as sweet and young and full of life.
